I Want To
by JellyfishOnACloud
Summary: Deynisharil falls in love with her best friend and has no idea how to deal with it.


He was her best friend. The weird shem had worked his way into her heart so slowly she hadn't even noticed. Thinking about him, she knew he was everything wonderful, wanted to protect him, wanted him to protect her.

It occurred to her that this wasn't just friendship. She didn't want to hold Cassandra's hand, or stroke Dorian's hair, whisper beautiful words into Iron Bull's ear. She wanted to do all those things with Cole. Was this what the other girls in her clan would call a 'crush'? She'd never felt anything like this before, never had her heart soar at the sight of someone.

So if she had a crush on Cole, what could she do about it? What did she want to do about it?

Well, obviously what she wanted for him to feel the same way and then they'd cuddle and make out against a tree.

Not really a realistic option though because A: he was a spirit, B: he already told Solas he had no interest in woman, and C: he was still learning about the world, mind the things he did seem to have a grasp on were all emotional things but still! How selfish would she have to be to place even more worry and stress on him with something like this, he'd already been through so much.

But maybe she could help him? Comfort him like he did everyone else? She wanted to, more than anything. What did she know though? She'd never been in a relationship before, never really seen healthy ones in action, heck she'd never even found someone hot before. This was all very confusing.

* * *

What are you supposed to do when you fall in love with your best friend? More than likely she was going to get her heart broken if she told him how she felt. She could continue to ignore it and hope it went away, but it wouldn't. He'd made himself at home inside her heart, buried too deep to leave now.

There was only one thing for it. She'd have to seek advice. But from who? Cassandra was an obvious choice, the woman was a hopeless romantic, but Deyni didn't actually want to court anyone yet, let alone in a classical over-romantic manner. Solas was friends with both her and Cole, but she couldn't imagine him giving actual help here, in fact the more she thought about it the more she was certain that he'd just berate her for daring to feel in this manner in the first place. Dorian might help, but he'd mock her first and she wouldn't find it funny while she was feeling so raw.

She looked over the courtyard from her position on the battlements. Mother Giselle? She snorted at the thought.

Morrigan. She was the lover of the Hero of Ferelden, and quite known for her harsh nature. But, perhaps a harsh slap was what she needed.

Deyni made her way over to the intimidating Witch, feeling nervous.

"Hello, Morrigan," she said, swallowing. The Witch put down her book and looked up at her, yellow eyes almost gleaming.

"I wanted to talk to you. Not about anything important," she added hastily, "I would just like some advice."

"What is it you wish my esteemed wisdom about, pray tell?" said Morrigan, an eyebrow raised, her tone not as biting as it could have been.

How could she broach this subject? What was she actually here for? So that Morrigan could talk her out of her feelings? That was unrealistic. No, she wanted an explanation from someone who, like her, never expected and did not understand 'love'.

"What do you do if you fall in love with your best friend?"

"What made you think I am the person to come to about this? Do I give off the impression of bubbly romanticism? Oh, shall we braid our hair and start singing?"

Deyni snorted, "If I wanted that I'd go talk to Cassandra. No, I just-" she sat on the grass in front of the woman, "Before you met the Warden, you thought love was weakness, that it was something to be avoided. What changed your mind?"

Morrigan gave her a long searching look. Deyni looked away, the floor suddenly very interesting. My, that grass, so... grassy.

"Before the Warden I knew little of companionship, nothing of friendship. All love was observed from afar and thus my opinion of it was biased. From afar love is folly, a child's game as two people who should know better let each other into their souls, blushing and giggling all the while.

My own feelings snuck up on me. My Warden requested only friendship, although flirt he did there was never obligation. My heart gave itself to him without my consent. The tale is overlong, but now that I am here I finally understand what I was missing when I watched others all those years ago.

For as much as love is weakness it is strength. You open yourself to another, but they also to you, and, with trust, they lend you their strength. Tis passion, yes, but tis also security, solidity in another. I know that my Warden will be there for me, just as I am for him."

Then it was worth it. Assuming, of course that the feelings were reciprocated.

"If you tell anyone I said this, I will feed you your own arm," warned Morrigan. Deyni had no doubt that she meant it, and nodded quickly.

Morrigan picked up her book again. Deyni frowned. "Um," she started.

"Was my sickly and overlong tale not enough for you?" the Witch replied, flipping the page.

"Well, I was hoping that you might be able to help me."

Morrigan sighed and shut her book again. She looked down at her expectantly.

"You see, the boy I like, I'm not sure if he even can like me back and-" she rubbed the bridge of her nose, this might go easier if she just told her who it was, "It's Cole."

"The spirit?" Morrigan said, surprised. Then she started laughing.

Deyni rubbed the back of her neck. The Witch was _still_ laughing.

"What exactly is so funny?" Perhaps she should have taken her chances with Dorian.

"Tis something I never imagined, for one of the Dalish to fall for a demon," Morrigan replied smiling wolfishly, her laughter finally abating, "Tis most peculiar. You are not concerned about possession? You are a mage after all."

"He already has a body, why would he want a different one?" she said, "And I trust him. Probably more than I should."

"You are lucky that your spirit is not a monster."

"If he was I wouldn't love him."

"Tis quite amusing that you believe you have hidden your feelings from a creature that reads minds."

That... had not occurred to her. She _was_ hurting from it, just a little, but. Shit. He probably knew. So why hadn't he said anything? Maybe he didn't feel the same way and didn't want to hurt her more. No, that couldn't be right, Cole continually proved that he couldn't lie to save people's feelings.

Deyni shook her head, "What am I supposed to do? He's already got so much to learn about this world and so much to deal with I don't want him to have to deal with my stupid crush too."

Morrigan sighed the sigh of the truly and desperately fed-up-with-this-shit. "Either go and talk to him or continue to pine in silence, those are your options," she stated, picking up her book and reading with such finality that it was definitely the end of the conversation. Or else.

Deyni thanked her for her time and slunk off, not really sure if she was any better off than when she arrived.

* * *

Even if he couldn't hear her heart singing for him, feel the bright burst of affection every time he was near her, see the hurt rolling off her as she suffocated her song out of fear, he still would have known how she felt about him. Because he wasn't blind. He saw how she looked at him when she thought no one was watching. So had Solas, Varric, Cassandra, and Dorian. So even if he was a normal human, blind, and completely oblivious, he _still_ would have known because those four would not stop poking him about it. About whether he felt things too. He did. She made him feel a lot of things. He wanted to feel a lot of her things too, to touch to taste, but wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Solas was unhappy with it, but he tried not to be, offered comfort and guidance just for him. Varric teased and tried to help, romantic lines from his books. Cassandra coached him on courting, gifts and compliments, teasing and touching. Dorian wanted him to be handsome, gave him clothes and took his hat (or tried to), taught him to talk, to be 'suave'. It was a lot to remember at once.

He also forgot it all the second Deyni smiled at him. Tongue tied, tethered, her smile teasing, heart racing roaming reaching. Eyes like lightning and he wanted...

But she didn't know. She was hurting herself thinking he didn't want, worrying for him. He liked that she cared so much, but she needed to stop.

"Stop what?" she asked, blinking up at him, confused.

"You're smothering it, suffocating your song, and it _hurts_. He knows then, the Witch knew, should've listened. I need to leave, I'm hurting him. No, you're hurting you. Stop it."

"You don't need to deal with my shit too, Cole." She wasn't looking at him.

He touched her face, made her look at him, stroked her cheek, ran his thumb across the corner of her mouth. She felt like fire. His heart beat faster. Her mouth was so pretty. What would it feel like against his own?

"Cole?" Her heart was racing too. Waiting and wanting.

"I want to."

He leaned in slowly, giving her plenty of time to move away if she wanted to. His lips met hers sooner than he thought. It was awkward, teeth clacked and noses bumped but her mouth was moving against his and there were sparks behind his eyes and a fire in his belly and he never wanted it to end.

When they stopped to breathe she rested her forehead against his. Her soul sang so loud and so beautifully, for him, all for him. He smiled, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, her arms still wrapped around him.


End file.
